Not the Same
by dendragon14
Summary: After disappearing at a young age, Raphael is reunited with his family after eleven years of being separated. After such a large time gap and a cruel upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still under this hardened shell of a teenager. Rated T for some swears and slightly disturbing themes.
1. Chapter One: Lost and Found

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael disappeared at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to produces.**

**A/N: Please be gentle on me. This is my first TMNT fan fiction, so please be nice.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"<em>It's never too late to have a happy childhood." ~ Tom Robbins, "Still Life with a Woodpecker"<br>_

* * *

><p><em><em>Chapter One: Lost and Found

_ "Wait for the rest of us, Raph," Leo called. Leo glanced back over his shoulder to Mikey and Donnie, who were tagging along on their skateboard and rollerblades, respectively, before glancing up ahead again to Raphael.  
>He saw Raph come to a slow halt on his bike and glance impatiently over his shoulder at Leo and the others. The bike was brand new-a gift from their father for his fifth birthday- and Raph had ridden it the majority of the day yesterday. He had begged to go out riding again, and he could only go out riding if Leo was with him, and although Leo had a pile of homework to do, he enjoyed seeing his second youngest brother happy for a change; he was usually such a miserable child.<em>

_"LEO," Donnie cried, beckoning his elder brother to his side. "Mikey tripped me with his skateboard."  
>"I did not," Mikey retorted, "Donnie fell on it."<br>"That's only because you stopped in front of me, Mikey."_

_Leo glanced over at Donnie and Mikey who were sporting cuts on their hands and knees from colliding and hitting the pavement together. He glanced over to Raphael, who looked rather impatient.  
>"I'm going to take Donnie and Mikey back home to clean their cuts."<br>"I want to keep riding," Raph stated firmly.  
>"Okay," Leo replied reluctantly. He knew that he shouldn't be letting any of his brothers out of his sight, but he didn't have the time or energy to fight with Raph at the moment. "You can ride down to the end of the street and back home, okay?" Raph nodded an affirmative and pedaled past Leo.<em>

_Leo trailed behind Donnie and Mikey back towards their house. Once he had cleaned and bandaged Donnie's knees and Mikey's palms, Leo went to sit out on the front porch and wait for Raphael while his other two brothers jumped on the trampoline in the backyard.  
>As five minutes turned into ten, Leo was starting to lose patience. It couldn't possibly take that long to ride from one end of the street to the other. Now annoyed, Leo got to his feet and made his way down to the end of the street. As he neared the end of the street, he spotted something lying in the gutter. At first, he thought Raph might have hurt himself somehow, but as he got to the corner of the street, he saw no sign of Raphael.<em>

_Instead, there, in the gutter, was Raph's Red Rocket bike, tipped on its side, one of the training wheels slowly spinning. And next to it, lay Raph's bike helmet. He glanced up from the bike and down the street; there was no sign of his little brother.  
>Panic flooded Leo's chest as he began to search for his brother.<br>"Raph," he called out. He turned the corner onto the next street. "RAPH!" Desperately, Leo looked around, his heart beating faster with each passing moment. Where could he have gone? Did he even run off? Or did someone take him?_

_"No, don't think like that," Leo growled to himself. He took in a deep shaky breath and exhaled, forcing himself to regain some of his calm.  
>His first thought was to call the police, but decided to call their father instead. Leo remembered hearing that the police only involved themselves in missing person cases after forty eight hours.<em>

_He ran back to the house and stampeded through the halls until he had the phone in his hands. With shaky hands, he dialed the number for his father's dojo. His father picked up the second ring.  
>"Father," Leo cried, struggling to contain his tears, "You need to come home immediately."<em>

_"Leonardo, what is the problem? What is so urgent that I must return home so suddenly?"  
>Leo glanced over to Donnie and Mikey, whose heads were poking around the corner of the living room, silently watching their big brother. He didn't want to appear weak in front of them. Turning away from them, Leo wiped hastily at the tears that had begun to stream down his cheeks.<br>"I lost Raph."  
><em>

* * *

><p><em><em>Donnie had never been an earlier riser, and hearing the phone ring at seven in the morning on a Saturday made him groan in displeasure. He had lost track of time working with his latest addition to his numerous inventions, and had only just gone to bed two hours earlier. Never being a deep sleeper, Donnie was the only one among his brother's that heard the incessant ringing of the phone. Either that or they were ignoring it, hoping someone else would answer it.

His feet dragged along the carpeted floor and his hand fumbled for the phone that rested on the table in the upstairs hallway.  
>"Hello," he moaned, stifling a yawn, "Hamato residence, Donnie speaking? Who's this?" He heard some shuffling on the other end of the phone line, followed by someone clearing their throat.<p>

"I'm so sorry to be calling at such an early hour," a woman replied, her voice gentle, "But may I speak to Yoshi Hamato."  
>"Just a moment," he replied. He wandered his way down the hall towards his father's room. Donatello was rarely in his father's bedroom. When he was younger, there had been the odd time when he had crawled into bed with his father to chase away his nightmares, but other than the odd house chore of vacuuming or laundry, Donnie never passed the threshold of his father's door.<p>

Quietly, he pushed the door open and shuffled over to the side of his bed. As gently as possible, he shook his father's shoulder, rousing him from his slumber. He could see the subtle confusion in his father's eyes as he blinked away the sleep.  
>"Donatello-"<br>"There's someone calling for you," he said curtly, offering the phone out to his father. Yoshi propped himself onto his elbows and took the phone from Donatello's hand.

"Yoshi Hamato speaking; how may I help you?"  
>"Yes, this is officer Munroe calling from the downtown police station. I'm calling to let you know that your son is down at the station, waiting for pickup."<br>"My son," Yoshi repeated, slightly confused. He glanced to Donatello, who was beginning to fall asleep on his feet. Gently, he nudged his son, who startled to alertness.

"Donatello, would you please make sure that your brother's are home." With a slightly confused expression, Donnie did as he was told and quietly peeked into Leo and Mikey's bedrooms to see them both bundled up beneath their covers.  
>"Yeah, they're in bed," Donatello muttered.<br>"I'm sorry, officer Munroe, but I think that you have made an error; all of my sons are…"

His voice trailed off as he felt his heart clench tightly. Was it possible?  
>"Raphael…Is it Raphael," he asked hesitantly. His throat was suddenly dry as the desert as he struggled to find his words. His second youngest was alive? Could it really be true?<br>All those years ago-eleven years- and there was not a day that went by when Yoshi did not think about his son. He had searched aimlessly for months on end, hoping against hope that Raphael was somewhere out there. Yet, deep in his heart, he knew that if children were not found within the forty-eight hour mark, it was likely the child was dead. But, he reminded himself, that was only if he was abducted, and there was some small part of him that refused to believe that his son might have been kidnapped. Somewhere around the four year mark, his logic began to speak to him that if they had not found Raphael by now, it was more than likely he was lost to the world.

The very thought that he might reunite with his second youngest sent his heart soaring into a frantic beating as fast as a humming birds wings.  
>"Yes, sir," officer Munroe responded, sounded slightly confused, "It is Raphael."<br>"I'll be right over as soon as possible. Thank you." Hastily he placed the phone on the bedside table and untangled himself from his bed sheets. Grabbing a pair of pants and a shirt, he quickly dressed before running out into the hallway. He spotted Donatello leaning against the doorframe to him room, his eyes closed.

"Donatello," Yoshi cried rather loudly, again startling his son to sudden alertness, "Wake your brothers. We must go to the police station."  
>"Why," Donnie asked, his eyes half closed. Right now, all he wanted to do was go back to sleep.<br>There was creak of hinges as Leo's door opened, revealing his eldest son standing in the doorway, wiping the sleep from his eyes.  
>"Father, what's going on," he asked sleepily. "Why were you raising your voice?" Yoshi placed a hand on his two eldest sons' shoulders. He could not keep the smile off of his face.<br>"They have found Raphael."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, so there is the first chapter. What do you all think; should I continue? I plan to have more flashbacks throughout the story, along with POV changes. I appreciate any and all reviews; constructive criticism is welcomed.**

~dendragon14


	2. Chapter Two: Welcome Home

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to produces.**

**A/N: Please be gentle on me. This is my first TMNT fan fiction, so please be nice.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"<em>All things truly wicked start from something innocent."~Ernest Hemmingway<br>_

* * *

><p><em><em>Chapter Two: Welcome Home

Leo had been the only one willing to drive along with their father to the police station. Although technically, he had been the only one awake enough to be happy about receiving the news about his little brother. For the past eleven years, Leo had blamed himself for his brother's disappearance and Yoshi knew this. He had tried to lighten the burden on his eldest son's shoulders, and told him time and again that it was not his fault that Raphael was gone, but nothing seemed to help the pain that dwelled in Leonardo's heart.  
>But now, as they pulled into the police parking lot, Yoshi could see the apprehension and excitement in Leo's posture.<br>"Do not be nervous, my son. You should be happy; we are about to be reunited with your brother, my third son."

"I'm not nervous," Leo responded quietly. This was utterly a lie; his nerves were severely racked with anticipation. As they entered the police station, a man dressed in a grey, dapper suit approached them, a warm smile on his face,  
>"Are you Yoshi Hamato," the man asked politely. Yoshi nodded an affirmative. The man's smile widened, his eyes shinning brightly.<br>"It's nice to meet you Mr. Hamato. I'm Vern Fenwick, a social worker with CPS: I've been working Raph's case for awhile now." He extended his hand towards Yoshi, which he took and shook firmly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Mr. Fenwick." He gestured to Leonardo who stood beside him. "This is my eldest son Leonardo." Vern shook Leo's hand firmly.  
>"I know you both are probably itching to see Raphael. I've already told him about your arrival, I'm just giving him some time to process it. I'll take you to him in just a moment." Mr. Fenwick headed down a hall and into a small room on the side that Yoshi noticed was labeled "interrogation".<br>As he and Leo waited, the Raphael he remembered bubbled to the surface of his memory and Yoshi could only wonder if his son was still anything like he was when he was five.

When he was young, Yoshi had always considered Raphael to have been somewhat of a sensitive child. Underneath the rough exterior that he wore, he had a gentle, warm interior. Yoshi could see that his feelings were easily hurt and that he seemed somewhat desperate for his father's attention. His temperament made up for his sensitivity though; the sudden outburst of anger and frustration were something Yoshi had learned to deal with when Raphael was still an infant; he had always been somewhat of a miserable child.

Although he had taken down pictures with Raphael in them to ease his aching heart, Yoshi still clearly remembered his young son's face. Delicate features with piercing amber eyes, his face still rounded with that of a young boy, almost cherub like. Wild, dirty blond hair that was near unmanageable.  
>"Well, I think he's handling the entire situation rather well. You can go and see him now," Mr. Fenwick stated. He directed them down the short hall to the room he had previously been in. With each step, Yoshi could feel his heart beat stronger and faster. This was it; he was going to be reunited with Raphael.<p>

Mr. Fenwick pushed open the door and gestured for Yoshi and Leo to enter. The room was small, barely big enough for the metal table and chairs it held. On the far side of the room was Raphael, who stopped mid pace.  
>The boy that stood before him was nothing like that of the boy he remembered. Long gone was the roundness of his face, leaving behind angular, delicate features that made his amber eyes appear more prominent. His eyes were still as piercing as he remembered, but he could see that there was a haunted look deep within. His once dirty blond hair was now a deep shade of red- he assumed it to be dyed- but was just as wild as he remembered.<p>

"My son," he exclaimed happily, pulling Raphael into his arms. He felt Raphael tense at the sudden closeness and noticed that he did not return the hug, but neither did he shrug the affectionate gesture off. He held Raphael at arms' length, a smile plastered upon his face. "It is so good to see you alive and well, my son."  
>There was a slight pause before Raph briefly returned the smile.<br>"Yeah, its, uh- it's good to see you too." His voice was deep, and had a rough edge to it. It was so different compared the voice of the young boy he remembered. Yoshi couldn't help but feel somewhat sad as he realized how much of Raphael's life he hadn't been a part of.  
>"Well," Vern said happily, "Best we not keep you here longer than you need to be. Let's head out the front. I was about to leave and wanted to Raph his things." He gestured towards the door. Leo and Raphael left the room first. Before Yoshi could follow his sons, Mr. Fenwick pulled him back into the room and quietly shut the door. Vern handed a folded piece of paper to Mr. Hamato. On it was the name of a doctor and underneath that, an address and phone number.<p>

"What is this for," Yoshi asked.  
>"I have a friend who is a child psychologist. I think that you should have it on hand for Raphael's sake." Yoshi felt himself frown in disapproval.<br>"Why is that," Yoshi asked, his voice stern.

"Raphael is a good kid underneath that rough shell he puts on. But, he's only been in foster care since age twelve. Whatever happened to him before then I'm not sure, but I believe that it was not pleasant for him. One of the foster parents he's had returned him to the home because of how extreme his night terrors are." Vern sighed heavily, taking in Yoshi's stern expression. "Look, Mr. Hamato, I've only known your son for four years, and it took all four for him to trust me to the point of feeling safe in a room alone with just me. I want you and you're sons to be close, like a family should be; that is my job after all. I know that a therapist might help resolve some issues that Raph has."  
>"I appreciate the concern," Yoshi replied, sliding the card into his coat pocket. He pushed the troubled thoughts that had popped into his head to the back of his consciousness; he would deal with them later.<p>

* * *

><p>"So, I'll be around in a week or so to see how you're settling in," Vern said. Vern handed a business card over to Raphael along with his duffel bag from the foster home. "Don't be afraid to call me for anything." He patted Raph on the shoulder and turned to leave, waving once as he climbed back into his car. Slightly despaired, Raphael watched him drive off, suppressing the urge to run after him.<p>

Vern was the first person he had trusted in a long time, and now, he was being placed with his biological family that he barely remembered. Raph couldn't help but feel somewhat betrayed; Vern had said he'd always be there for him. Even though that was still technically true, Vern would no longer be the guy just down the hall-that would be his father.

He had never completely forgotten about his family, but the memories of them were fuzzy. He couldn't really remember much about his father besides the fact that he ran a dojo somewhere on the east end of the city, and that he was always at work or doing something else important that didn't concern him.  
>His brothers he could remember slightly more about. He remembered that Mikey had always been a bother around him, and Raph vaguely wondered if he had matured any in eleven years. Donnie was the smart guy; Raph remembered him taking the small kitchen appliances apart and putting them together after seeing how they worked. Leo, he didn't remember quite as well, but Raph remembered him being very responsible for only being nine years old.<p>

After Vern's car was long out of sight, Raph hoisted the duffel bag across his shoulder and turned to face his father and brother, who were both standing beside a tired looking pickup truck. Resigned, Raph went to join them, throwing his bag into the bed of the pickup and seating himself next to Leo  
>The drive to the house took maybe a half hour at the most. A rather uncomfortable silence had fallen between the three of them, leaving them to their own minds. It made it even more uncomfortable for Raph since the truck was only a three seater.<p>

"So, why were you at the police station to begin with," Leo asked, trying to break the awkward silence that surrounded the three of them. Raph glanced away from the window he'd been staring out and looked at Leo.  
>"Uh, I sorta went for a joyride on some guy's motorcycle. Cops pulled me over for speeding and brought me in when I didn't have a drivers' license," he replied, sounding somewhat embarrassed. Yoshi felt his eyebrows rise in surprise; his son was out committing felonies? In his peripheral vision, he saw Leonardo's small look of surprise. Apparently, neither of them had been expecting something like that. Yoshi was trying hard to replace the image of an innocent little boy with the ragged teenager before him. It would take some time to get used to.<p>

Yoshi and Leo couldn't help but notice how Raph tensed as they turned the final corner that led onto their street. Leo could sympathize with his brother; that corner was where Raph had disappeared from their lives for eleven years. It was more than likely that seeing the spot where he was kidnapped would trigger a painful memory.  
>Once they had pulled up in front of the house, Raph was the first one out of the car. He couldn't handle how stuffy the truck was, with their bodies squished up against each other. raph hated touching people and hated it even more when people touched him.<br>He stared up at the house, a sense of familiarity washing over him; even though it felt familiar, it didn't feel right. He hadn't had a home in eleven years. Although he had had several foster parents, it never lasted. They always wanted someone who was younger, or better tempered, or a girl. He hadn't had much luck in life.

The house was well sized-big enough to fit five people- and had a cozy feel to it. It was painted a beige color that could only be considered homey. The window frame and doors were painted a mahogany color, which Raph thought made the place look complete. A swinging sign hung from the porch ceiling, the family's last name painted stylishly on the wood.  
>It all seemed familiar, but yet, he couldn't really remember it; it was just out of his reach.<br>"Welcome home, my son," Yoshi said, his voice gentle. He rested his hand on Raphael's shoulder. "We have missed you all so much." He gestured towards the house.  
>"Go on inside, Donatello and Michelangelo are expecting you."<p>

Raph let himself in and walked the first couple steps into the house, surveying it. This seemed familiar too. From where he stood he saw wooden floor run throughout the first floor. A pair of glass paned doors to his left opened up into a living, dining room combination. The room was painted a rich brown color. Golden throw pillows and area carpets commented the room nicely. On his right was an office that was painted a deep green. On the wall where the desk sat was some sort of symbol that Raph recognized as Chinese or Japanese.  
>At the end of the hall he saw was the kitchen. From the little of the kitchen he could see, he saw that the countertops were a mixed marble of different shades of grey, the counters a deep brown color. Everything was so modern. Raph assumed that there had been a good amount of money put into renovations.<p>

Before he could walk any further into the house he heard two sets of feet pounding down the staircase, followed by excited whispering. They rounded the corner, both of them sliding on the hard wood floor in their socked feet. Both stopped just shy of bowling Raph over. They both wore expressions of anxious excitement.  
>For a long, awkward moment, the three of them just stood there, staring at one another. From what he assumed, Donatello was the taller of the two, plus he wore an aura that practically screamed "nerd alert".<br>Before he could even get out a hello, Mikey suddenly lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Raph.

"Welcome home, brother!"

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so there is the second chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. I will try to update as frequently and as soon as possible. Thank you all for your reviews and for those who have favourite-d me of followed me. :)<strong>

**A/N: In response to a comment from a guest reader; I do believe that I have read **_**Fading Back to Red **_**and I will say that I am not trying to copy that story in any way. Although it may seem similar, I intend to make this story my own.**


	3. Chapter Three: A Chance

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to produces. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.**

**A/N: Please be gentle on me. This is my first TMNT fan fiction, so please be nice.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"<em>Innocence is a kind of insanity"~ <em>Graham Greene, _The Quiet American  
><em>

* * *

><p>Chapter Three: A Chance<p>

Michelangelo had only been three and a half years old when Raph disappeared-too young to understand what was truly going on. He very vaguely remembered Raphael-he remembered they had shared a room, and that he always had a bad temper- but he couldn't remember what his brother sounded like or what he looked like. He could only wonder what Raph was like now, after eleven years of being separated from them all. Would he be just as miserable as Mikey remembered him, or would he seem to have turned over a new leaf in life?

Now, as he stood before his older brother, Mikey couldn't help but feel overcome with happiness. Out of instinct, he had hugged Raph; it felt like the brotherly thing to do. He felt Raph's shoulders tense, and Mikey suddenly wondered if he had done something wrong. Awkwardly, he pulled away.  
>As though sensing the sudden awkwardness, Donnie stepped in between Mikey and Raph.<br>"I can take your bag for you," he offered.  
>"S'okay," Raph muttered, hoisting the bag higher on his shoulder, "I got it." The front door opened and Leo and their father walked in.<p>

"What are we all doing standing in the doorway," Leo asked, "We'll give you the tour of the house." They showed him the main floor, followed by the basement, which seemed to have been converted into a game room of some sort. The second floor consisted of five bedrooms and a bathroom. Three of the doors had decorations on them that clearly defined each brother's personality. Raph studied the posters of skateboarders on one door and placed it with Mikey; Leo and Donnie didn't seem like skateboarders. The second door had a biological hazard sign posted to it- Donnie's room- Raph assumed. The third door had to be Leo's, but Raph couldn't read the Japanese characters that were on the door.

"You and Mikey used to share a room," Leo stated, drawing Raph's attention away from the doors. "You can have the guest room to yourself…or Mikey could share, if it's okay with him." Raph glanced over briefly at Michelangelo before turning away from Mikey's bedroom and headed over to the guest bedroom.  
>"Do the doors lock from inside," Raph asked, receiving nods from the others. "Cool," he muttered, slipping inside the guest room, quietly pushing the door shut. Once the door was closed, the three remaining brothers exchanged a look.<br>"Well, that was awkward," Donnie said, his eyes focused on the guest room door. "I thought he'd be a little happier to be back with his family."  
>"Yeah," Mikey whined, "It has been eleven years and all."<p>

"Give him a break, guys," Leo said, "It has been eleven years, and we've all changed-give him some time to readjust." Leo and Donnie went to their respective rooms, while Mikey went downstairs to start lunch.  
>Leo entered his room, sank down onto his bed and glanced up at the bulletin board that hung over his desk. It was filled with pictures of him and his brothers, a visual time line of them growing up. He couldn't help but feel sad that Raph disappeared from the pictures at age five; it was like someone had erased him from history. He would have to find the opportunity to take Raph's picture so Leo could update his timeline of pictures. It would make the amount of guilt in his heart diminish.<p>

As Mikey went about collecting ingredients from the refrigerator and cupboards, he paused to consider what Raph wanted. He couldn't remember what Raphael liked to eat when he was younger, and he didn't know what he liked to eat now; for all he knew, Raph could be a vegetarian. Mikey considered about going up and asking, but he didn't want to disturb his brother; if had half the temper he had had when they were younger, Mikey didn't want to be in the line of sight when he got mad.

Donnie busied himself on his laptop, quietly mulling over all the questions that he wanted to ask his brother. He wondered if Raph still liked the things he did when they were younger; motorcycles, ninjas, and pizza. He wondered what kind of music he liked; Donnie assumed that it would be heavy rock or maybe punk metal; if he did, Donnie hoped that he wasn't the kind that blasted the music as loud as it would go.

Raph took in his new room and sighed. This just wouldn't do; everything was in the wrong spot. He pulled off his sweat shirt and threw it onto the bed. With little effort, he began to pull the bed and nightstand towards the window so that it faced the door, and then he moved the desk so that it sat next to the door so when he sat down, he could see out into the hall. The dresser he moved to the back corner of the room. Call it OCD, but Raph had to have full view of the door. Once he was finished, he threw his duffel bag under the bed and he lay down on the bed and glanced up at the ceiling. The room was cozy enough, but he hated the beige walls; it was so boring. If he could, he'd like to paint it as soon as possible.

He lay on his bed, lost in thought, for another half hour before he heard Mikey calling everyone down for lunch. Although Raph wasn't particularly hungry, he went and joined his family at the kitchen table. Besides the odd comment about the food, an awkward silence hung in the air between the five of them. It was broken once or twice by their father who tried to ignite a conversation, but none of his attempts really went anywhere.

* * *

><p>Raph spent the remainder of the day wandering about the house, trying to commit it to memory. The house itself seemed familiar, but any memory he had of the house was fuzzy. He ghosted from room to room, studying objects of interest. As he completed his round of the house, he came to realize that there were no pictures of him. He saw pictures of his three brothers, together or alone, but he had not seen any pictures of himself. Raph couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness spark deep within his chest; they had tried to forget about him. The spark of sadness dimmed to an ember that was quickly replaced by anger. They had tried to <em>forget<em> about him.

Raph marched back up to his room, closing and locking the door firmly into place. He lied down on the bed and huffed. As quickly as his anger appeared, it vanished, replaced with confusion. Did his family try to forget him? Or were they taking away the image of their pain? Had they truly missed him? Were they happy he was home?  
>Rolling off the bed and onto the floor, Raph grabbed his duffel bag from under the bed and rummaged around in it until he found his CD player. Although he would have preferred an IPod or something more modern, the CD player had been a gift from Vern. It had been the first gift he remembered receiving since he was five; call it sentimentality, but it was special to him.<br>For the next hour or so, he listened to his favorite songs on a mixed CD that he had made for himself, staring out the window, left to his own thoughts. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard someone banging on his bedroom door.  
>"What," he called out, pulling off his headphones.<br>"Dinner's ready," Mikey said, "Are you going to come and eat with us?" Raph paused, considering the option of staying in the bedroom. Dinner would probably be a repeat of lunch; awkward silence between the five of them. But Raph didn't want to come off as rude or anti social in anyway; he wanted to show them that he was trying to reconnect with them.  
>"I'll be down in a minute."<p>

* * *

><p>"So, Raph, what do you like to do," Mikey asked suddenly, desperate to break the silence that increasingly becoming more awkward by the moment. Raph leaned back in his chair, placing his fork and knife down on the plate.<br>"I don't know," he said, "I don't exactly have a favourite hobby or anything."  
>"Do you like video games," Mikey asked, his voice hopeful. Raph shrugged and returned to eating his dinner.<p>

"Don't really play video games much," he muttered. "I think the last video game I played was when I was thirteen. It was Pac Man."  
>"Pac Man," Mikey cried out in exasperation, "That's such an old game, dude! You should play some of the games that I got-they're really awesome. Besides, Donnie's head is always in a book and Leo never likes to play video games with me."<br>"I think you haven't the other way around Mikey," Donnie commented, "_You _don't like to play games with Leo because he always beats you."  
>"That's because he practices when I'm sleeping; that's totally unfair."<p>

Raph watched as his brothers as they continued to talk about video games. He didn't really care that he wasn't actively involved in their conversation; just watching and listening to them made him happy. But, deep down, it also made him feel sad. He held back a sigh as he continued to eat. He was glad he had his family back, but after being gone for so long, he was like the puzzle piece from a different puzzle-he didn't fit.

Yoshi saw the way his second youngest observed his three other sons and he couldn't help but feel sympathetic; he could understand if Raphael felt out of place; it would take some time to settle into the family again.

After dinner, they didn't see much of Raph. He had retreated to his room, which Mikey noticed that he had rearranged since arriving here. The bed now was next to the window, facing the door, the desk next to the door and the dresser in the far corner of the room. The duffel bag that Raph had arrived with was neatly placed under the bed, and he noticed no clothing lying around, so he assumed Raph was finished unpacking.  
>He had tried to lure Raph out of his bedroom by tempting him with a video game and some popcorn, but Raph had refused, muttering something about how he wanted to be alone for the night. It was around ten thirty when they heard his door close, followed by the sound of a lock clicking into place.<p>

"He's real friendly," Mikey commented sarcastically as he came tromping down the stairs into the kitchen. "It's still kind of early and he's going to bed. He's such a drag."  
>"Don't be like that, Mikey," Donnie said, glancing briefly up from his laptop. "This is still very new to him. He's probably tired from today; I know I would be. Give him a chance."<p>

**A/N: Okay, there is chapter three. Sorry it took so long to update. I will tell you all now, that the fourth chapter will contain some content that might be disturbing or unsettling to some. And there will be more flashbacks, which will help fill in Raph's past before being reunited with his family. So feel free to follow, favourite and review and thank you to all those have already done so.**

~dendragon14


	4. Chapter Four: Stuck in the Past

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to produces. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.**

**A/N: Please be gentle on me. This is my first TMNT fan fiction, so please be nice.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. ~ J.K Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire<br>_

* * *

><p>Chapter Four: Stuck in the Past<p>

He lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to calm his racing heart. His hair was damp with sweat, as was his pillow and his bed sheets which were tangled around his body. He glanced at his wrist watch that lay on the night stand and sighed heavily; it was only three in the morning. Rolling over onto his side, Raph flipped his pillow over, revealing the cool side and kicked his sheets to the end of his bed. Reluctantly, he fell back asleep; dreading what dreams his mind would create.

_She placed the switchblade into his hand, curling his fingers around the hilt. Her eyes were bright with a ferocity Raph had seen numerous times when she had tried to fight off her "clients". Her hair was a tangled rat's nest, her face was pale and she had dark bags under her eyes, and yet, she was beautiful.  
>"When you see a chance, take it and run," she whispered. Raph stared at the folded up switchblade, numb. He couldn't do this, not alone. He glanced at her with pleading eyes, begging her not to let him do this alone. A ghost of smile reached her lips. Reaching around her neck, she unclasped the pendant that she always wore.<em>

_She placed the pendant-a silver bird in flight- around his neck. She smiled and caressed his cheek, rubbing away the tear trails._  
><em>"You're like a son to me, Raphael," she whispered, "I want you to have a life, something I never did. So when I distract them, you run."<em>  
><em>"But-"<em>  
><em>"Promise me," she said, her voice growing stern. "Promise me you will take this chance." Raph nodded wordlessly as fresh tears trickled down his cheeks. He did not want to leave her; she had been so kind to him these past seven years. She smiled at his affirmation and rose to her feet. Grabbing Raph by the hand, she pulled him out into the hall and instructed him to hide in a doorway that was nearest the exit.<em>

_"I'll distract them," she whispered. "When you see an opening, run and do not stop." She turned to leave but Raph reached out for her, latching onto her wrist._  
><em>"What if they chase me," he asked quietly. She gestured to the switchblade that was held tightly in his hand.<em>  
><em>"You do what you have to, even if it means killing them." She kissed Raph on the cheek and ran a hand through his hair, a sad smile on her face. "Don't feel guilty for killing scum like them. And don't feel guilty for what I'm about to do." She proceeded down the hall, making a tremendous amount of noise as she did, hammering on each door.<em>

_"What the hell is going on-" one man demanded angrily as he stuck his head out the door. As two more men appeared from different rooms, she began to yell at them, cursing a blue streak, rambling about nothing. There was the distinct sound of skin against skin as she slapped one of the men who had tried to grab her._  
><em>Raph wasn't exactly sure what happened next; her back was to him and she was surrounded by the bad men, but the next thing he knew, he saw a knife dropping to the ground, covered to the hilt in blood. Clutching at her neck, she stumbled back several steps and fell to her knees, while a pool of blood collected underneath her.<em>  
><em>"Angel!"<em>

* * *

><p>Raph jolted awake, his hair plastered to his face with cold sweat. He ran a hand over his face and down his throat, clutching tightly at the pendant that hung around his neck. Damn his subconscious, making him relive his worst memories, when he had tried so hard to hide them; he couldn't afford to get caught up in the past. The past was the past, he should be able to push it away and forget it, but his inner mind kept reminding him.<br>Raph nearly fell out of bed as a knock on the door made him jump; he'd have to get used to people knocking on the door instead of just barging in when they felt like it._  
><em>  
>"Raphael, may I please come in," his father asked. Pushing himself off the bed, Raph quickly pulled on the clothes he had worn yesterday before going to the door and pulling it open.<em><br>_ "Are you alright, my son," Yoshi asked, a concerned expression crossing his features, "You look pale."  
>"Uh, yeah-I-I'm fine. What did you want?"<br>"On Sundays, your brothers and I usually go down to the dojo to practice. But they thought that you might wish to do something else." Raph's thoughts temporarily stalled as he processed his father's words, a smile slowly crawling onto his face. He couldn't remember the last time someone had asked him if there was something he wanted to do. Usually, he was told that he was going to do something and that was the end of discussion; he never got any say in the matter.

And, now, since he had his own room, Raph wanted to personalize it; he wanted to make it his. He hadn't had his own room before; he'd always had to share rooms with other foster kids and temporary brothers and sisters, but they never lasted.  
>"Um, well…I kinda wanted to get some paint or something for the bedroom. I mean, if that's okay with you; beige is kind of boring."<br>His father gave him a warm smile, something Raphael vaguely remembered. "Of course I don't mind if you the paint the room. It is _your_ room, after all."

* * *

><p>Leo was more than happy to accompany Raph to the mall. Even Mikey and Donnie had willingly joined in; anything to spend time with their brother. In all honesty, Leo was curious about his brother's interests; there was probably so much that he didn't know about Raph.<br>"Where'd you get the money, bro," Mikey asked, sarcasm lacing his voice.  
>"I robbed a bank," Raph replied sarcastically. He folded the wallet up and shoved it into his back jean pocket. "I got it from my bank account, you bonehead."<br>"Yeah, but where'd you get the money?" Mikey asked. If he was trying to annoy Raph, he was off to a splendid start.

"I've had jobs," he replied, "Used to work at a repair shop; it paid really well."  
>"So you like cars," Donnie asked.<br>Raph shrugged. "Cars are okay. What I really like are motorcycles." He glanced over to Leo, a ghost of a smile crossing his face. "Right Leo?" Donnie and Mikey glanced at their eldest brother.

"What's he mean?"  
>"The entire reason he was at the police station was because he hijacked someone's motorcycle and took it for a joy ride."<br>"Were you trying to give off the badass impression," Donnie asked. Raph smirked, suppressing a smile.  
>"Nah, I just really wanted to ride it and didn't want to wait until I got my license."<p>

As they continued through to make their way through the mall, Leo watched intently at what Raph chose to adorn his room with; posters of Three Days Grace, Rise Against, Korn and Skrillex and several other bands that Leo didn't preferably like, a lava lamp and LED light that changed color, several zigzag shelves to hold books and CDs and a dark red comforter with black stripes for the bed.

They went to the paint shop last. Mikey was assisting Raph in what colors to choose while Donnie and Leo hung back, watching with amusement as Michelangelo harassed Raph to choose something wild like Flamingo Pink.  
>"You know, you're watching Raph like a hawk before it dives in for the kill. I'm pretty sure he's not going to disappear from sight if you blink," Donnie muttered.<br>Leo smirked. "Yeah, well, I lost him once; I'm not going to take the chance of losing him again."

* * *

><p>When they arrived home, the four of them went straight up to Raph's room to begin painting. They applied two coats of the paint on the walls and while they waited for the paint to dry, they dragged the dresser, desk, nightstand and bed headboard out into the backyard, where they applied a stain to the wood that turned it a deep brown color that was almost black.<p>

Once finished, they dragged the furniture back up and placed it into the middle of the room while the paint continued to dry. The walls were painted a deep red color, the moulding on the walls painted terra-cotta. Leo had to admit that the dark color suited him, and he assumed red was still Raph's favourite color. Although he was happy to spend the day with out with Raph, Leo couldn't help but wonder where the urge to paint the room had come from. He wondered if Raph had even had his own room before or what had even happened to his brother all the years he had been missing. Upon first being reunited with his brother, Leo had restrained himself from asking questions of his whereabouts; he hoped that Raphael would open up to him and the others in time.

* * *

><p>The smell of fresh paint still lingered in the room so Raph propped open his window and placed a fan in the middle of the, allowing it to air out. To ease the nausea that the paint fumes were giving him, Raph went downstairs to the basement where he found his brothers, who seemed to be in the middle of some decision making process.<br>"You picked last time, Mikey," Donnie said, "It's my turn."  
>Mikey frowned. "But you always pick the really boring movies. I want to watch something that will make me not fall asleep."<p>

"Let's let Raph choose," Leo stated, alerting the others to his presence. Donnie and Mikey turned to Raph, both of them looking resentful that they had briefly forgotten he was in the house. There was an entire wall full of DVDs; for a moment he stood there in awe. He had never seen so many DVDs; not even the foster home had this many, and they had had a lot. Raph approached the shelves of DVDs and scanned the shelves, taking notice that they were alphabetized; probably Leo's doing. He paused over a movie labeled Taken. He pulled it out and glanced at the cover; Raph had seen this back at the foster home when one of the older boys had rented it. He had been twelve at the time but no one told him he couldn't watch, so he did.

* * *

><p><em>He had no idea where he was going. He had made a number of twists and turns but he hadn't had any destination in mind; he just needed to get away. Far away.<br>Focusing on the slap of his bare feet on concrete and the steady panting of his breath, Raph pushed himself harder, forcing his fatigued body to move faster. He came to a sudden halt as he turned the corner, panting heavily. Putting his back against the wall, Raph peered around the corner, looking to see if he was being followed._

_There was not a soul in sight._  
><em>Sighing heavily, Raph slid down the wall to the ground and pulled his knees up to his chest. His mind buzzed with a thousand thoughts, all of them struggling to be heard at the same time. What was he going to do? Where was he going to go?<em>

_He placed his hands on top of his knees and saw the uncontrollable tremble in them. His hands were red. The switchblade clutched in his hand was red to the hilt, still dripping fresh blood. When did that happen? Wiping the blood off on his pant leg, Raph readjusted his grip on the knife and moved his hand so the blade was out of his sight._

_Angel was dead…because of him. She had died saving him; was he really worth it, though? Raph shook his head, forcing himself to clear those awful thoughts from his head. What he had to do right now was to get away from the warehouse district. Pushing himself back onto his feet, Raph urged his tired body forward, picking up into an unsteady jog._  
><em>He still had no idea where he was going; he was lost and utterly...alone.<em>

* * *

><p>A man looking for his daughter after being sold into the sex trafficking industry; Raph couldn't help but admire the man that would go to the ends of the earth to save the one he loved. When he was still held hostage, he had often hoped his family was searching for him and that they continued to search through the years as he got older. But that hope had faded with each passing year…<br>"Raph? You okay?" Startled by the intrusion of his thoughts, Raph turned to stare at his brothers, who looked at him with slight concern.  
>"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"<br>"You were totally lost in space, dude," Mikey exclaimed. "We've been trying to get your attention for like the past five minutes."  
>"Sorry," he muttered, "Just got caught up in the past, that's all."<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, there is chapter four. I hope you all enjoyed. I promise that these flashbacks, while not all of them will be in order, will make sense near the end. While things may seem rather light-hearted now, they will get darker, and Leo and Raph will butt heads on several occasions. **

**And if you are wondering what their ages are in this story, Leo is 20, Donnie is 18, Raph is 16 and Mikey is 15.**

~dendragon14


	5. Chapter Five: Back to Class

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to produces. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.**

**A/N: Please be gentle on me. This is my first TMNT fan fiction, so please be nice.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"<em>The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared." ~<em>Lois Lowry_, The Giver  
><em>

* * *

><p>Chapter Five: Back to Class<p>

Mikey hated Mondays; he was sure everyone hated Mondays. Except Donnie; Donnie enjoyed learning and he loved school, so Monday through Friday was heaven on earth for him. Whereas, Mikey barely managed to make it through the week; he was pretty sure he'd die if it weren't for gym, lunch, and art class. And now Raph was joining, so Mikey hoped that they might share some classes together; it would give a chance to try and get his brother to open up more.  
>Rolling out of bed, Mikey stumbled his way to the door, nearly tripping over his skateboard and almost slipping on his scattered collection of comic books. Eyes still half closed, he made his way down the hall to the bathroom; with any luck Mikey had gotten up early enough to beat his brothers for the bathroom lineup.<p>

The door to the bathroom was slightly open, steam drifting through the crack in the door. Mikey knocked and pushed the door open wider when no one replied. Raph was standing in front of the mirror, his hair dripping wet and a towel wrapped around his waist. He was absently clutching at the pendant he wore around his neck, a faraway look in his eyes. Mikey wasn't quite sure what his eyes were focusing on, but it was clear enough that he was lost in his head again.  
>Mikey cleared his throat, startling Raph back into the present.<p>

"Don't you knock," he demanded.  
>"Good morning to you too, Mikey replied, sarcasm dripping off his words, "And I did knock and you just didn't hear me; you were staring off into la-la land again."<p>

He pushed past Mikey and out into the hall to head back to his room.  
>To himself, Mikey muttered, "Geez, he's a real morning person."<p>

* * *

><p>Of all the days, Monday was his least favorite; he hated how abruptly the weekend ended and how long the school week was. He hated school in general, for numerous reasons; the only classes that he actually enjoyed were wood shop and art class; Raph never really thought of himself as the book smart type.<br>Truth be told, he was embarrassed to start at the same school that Donnie and Mike went to. He didn't want them to know about his "special condition" that had kept him out of the mainstream for as long as he'd been in school. It wasn't a learning disability or anything like that, but it might as well have been; it was impairment nonetheless.

Donnie was the one that drove the three of them to the school in the pickup truck while Leo headed down to the nearest subway entrance to get to the law firm that he worked at. Raph dreaded the approaching school day; he wasn't ever very fond of school.  
>The only class that he had that was at high school level was English, everything else-History, Math, Science, Geography- that all sat around a grade six level. So instead of being in the "normal" classes, Raph was assigned to room 121, or the Special Ed. room. He only stayed in the room as long as necessary; long enough to grab his books and work for the week. The teacher, Ms. Summers, seemed to understand Raph's situation and made no protest towards taking his studies elsewhere.<p>

For most of the morning he had done a pretty decent job of avoiding conversation with others; he didn't exactly want to be harassed with the same questions a gazillion times over, but during first break, a boy that appeared to be a grade higher than him appeared next to his locker, looking intent on making conversation with him.  
>"Hey, you must be the new kid," the boy said. "The fourth Hamato brother or whatever, right?" Raph gave a rough nod and turned back to his locker. He'd seen this type of kid before at his previous school- kind of scrawny with a big mouth; all bark and no bite. He wasn't particularly fond of that type of kid. Raph ignored him and continued to rifle through his locker for the textbooks he needed. But this kid seemed pretty determined on getting his attention. As he pulled out the last textbook, the kid snatched out of his hand and took a step back, playing keep-away long enough to take a look at the title.<p>

"What are you doing in high school," he asked, gesturing to the book that he had grabbed from Raph, "You're doing grade school shit here. Are you retarded or something?"  
>He'd heard it all before, and Vern had told him multiple times to just ignore it and not care what others thought about him. But he did care, maybe too much. Raph knew that everyone just wanted to be accepted, and he had tried awfully hard over the years to blend in and make friends but everyone seemed against him.<br>"Hey, I'm talking to you," the boy snapped, slamming Raph's locker door closed. "Are you deaf as well as stupid, huh, simpleton?"  
>Raph smirked. "Simpleton," he repeated monotonously, "I haven't heard that one before." Although there was a fire beginning to burn deep within him, that hungered to engulf him in anger, Raph fought against it. He turned away from the boy<p>

"Why don't you leave me alone," Raph asked, his voice low. "I don't think you'll like me when I'm mad." He turned to put his books into his bag, but before he could even open up his bag, the boy next to him gave them a solid push, sending them tumbling to the floor. The books skidded across the floor in all direction; that was the last straw. Didn't this guy have anything better to do than pick on the new kid?  
>"Look pal," Raph snarled, turning on the boy so he was inches from his face, "You're really starting to piss me off, so why don't you go stick your nose in someone else's business?"<p>

"Oh, am I making you late," he asked mockingly, "You know, if you don't show up I'm sure the teacher will come looking; it is a Special Ed. class after all. I'm sure some of the students must get lost from time to time." His free hand curled into a fist as he struggled to control his temper. Although he really wanted to, Raph would not get into a fight on his first day here; he had made a promise to himself about that last night and he did not want to break it. "Back off Dalton," he heard someone say, turning to see Donnie heading their way.

* * *

><p>Before he had left for work, Leo had asked Donnie to keep an eye on Raph and to look out for him. Although Donnie thought that Mikey might make a better person to ask, he had agreed to look out for his younger brother.<br>It was during the first five minute break between classes that Donnie noticed Dalton, the school bully, talking to Raph. He watched the conversation over his shoulder, and deciding that it wasn't escalating in intensity, he turned away to put his books in his locker. When he heard the slam of a locker door, Donnie glanced over his shoulder and saw that Dalton was getting into Raph's personal space. He wished he knew what Dalton was saying, but over the noise of the surrounding student body it was practically impossible.

Upon first seeing Raph after an eleven year gap, Donnie had assumed his brother to be the kind of person who got into fights on a regular occasion, but he could see plainly that Raph was trying to be the better man and walk away. This only resulted in Dalton pushing all of Raph's textbooks out of his hands, sending them skidding across the floor. Thinking that it was best he intervene before things got too out of control, Donnie closed his locker and crossed the hall.  
>"Back off Dalton," he said firmly, glaring daggers at the boy. The smirk on Dalton's face slowly disappeared as he looked over at Donnie. Dalton muttered some foul comment before turning away and heading off down the hall, his shoulders hunched. Donnie was his only hope at passing grade eleven math; at least the boy was smart enough to see that pissing off his tutor wouldn't do him any good.<p>

Now with Dalton gone, both Donnie and Raph knelt to collect the fallen textbooks. Raph had managed to snatch most of them up but Donnie grabbed the two that were closest to him. Donnie paused as he picked up the two remaining textbooks, taking a moment to glance at the titles. Donnie felt his face furrow in confusion as he reread the title; he remembered having these textbooks back when he was in grade six. Why would Raph have them?

The books were suddenly snatched from his hands. Donnie glanced up, meeting Raph's angry glare. Before Donnie could even say anything, his brother took off down the hall, pushing through the crowd of students like a salmon trying to swim upstream.  
>"Raph, wait." Donnie got to his feet and hoisted his bag onto one shoulder before taking off down the hall, pushing his way past students, trying to catch up to his brother's retreating back. As he turned onto a less crowded hallway, Donnie ran half way down the hall, calling out for his brother to stop. Raph stopped so abruptly that Donnie almost ran into him.<p>

"What? What the hell do you want, Don," Raph growled, turning to face his older brother.  
>"You don't have to answer, but, um…why…why do-" Flabbergasted, Donnie gestured to the books in Raph's hands.<br>"Geez, for a smart guy you can be pretty dumb," Raph muttered. "I figured with that big brain of yours you would have put two and two together." When Donnie didn't answer Raph sighed heavily, annoyed.  
>"I was taken when I was five, Don. Five is usually when you start school, right?" He waited for Donnie's affirmation before continuing. "Well, I didn't start at five; I started school when I was twelve."<br>The silence that followed was so thick that he could have cut it with a knife. Donnie replayed his brother's words in his head, making sure that he had heard Raph correctly.

"Oh," was all he managed to say. He saw Raph's shoulders relax slightly, seeing that Donnie wasn't going to question him any further.  
>"You should get back to class, Donnie," Raph said.<br>"What about you?" The way he had voiced the question sounded hesitant, as though Donnie didn't want an answer.  
>"I've got other places to be," Raph muttered. Without another word, he turned away from Donnie and took off down the hall at a brisk pace.<br>Vaguely, Donnie heard the bell signalling the beginning of a new class, but Donnie stood frozen to the spot. His mind raced as he pondered over his brother's words; it had sort of come as a shock. Raph hadn't started school until he was a pre-teen; Donnie was pretty sure that Raph had been kidnapped, but now he wondered what exactly his kidnappers had been doing with him over a seven year period. Whatever had happened, Donnie knew that it couldn't have been good.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, so that is chapter five. Hope you enjoyed. I just want to thank everyone who has reviewed, favourite-d and followed and how nice you have all been; it gives me the inspiration to keep writing.**

**I want to give a shout out to TJHECTOR: I've read your story **_**Stranger Whistles**_** and I absolutely love it and hope you update soon.  
><strong>  
><strong>If this whole "started school at twelve" thing confused you, or isn't quite clear, I will try and make it clear through Raphael's flashbacks and memories; you will come to find out that he had a very traumatic childhood if you haven't already guessed. And I have been trying to give subtle hints throughout the previous chapters as to where he was and who was keeping him hostage.<strong>

**And also, I do plan on introducing Karai, Casey and April into this eventually.**

~dendragon14


	6. Chapter Six: Don't Let the Spark Die

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to producers. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.**

"_Some lessons are best learned through pain. Sometimes, our visions clear only after our eyes are washed with tears. Sometimes, we have to be broken so we can be whole again. Remember: if God made the day perfect, He wouldn't have invented tomorrow." ~unknown  
><em>

* * *

><p>Chapter Six: Don't Let the Spark Die<p>

_Raph shivered under Angel's gentle touch, still shaken about the event that had just taken place. What in God's name had happened? What had that man done to him? Why did it hurt so much? Fresh tears replaced the ones he had spilt when the man had been violating him. _  
><em>Angel had been there throughout the entire ordeal, but she had been unable to come to his aid since she herself was under the rule of another man. But once both of the bad men had left, she had crawled over to where he lay on the bed, naked and curled into a ball, and pulled him into her lap. At some point, Angel had helped Raph back into his clothes and the two had resumed their cuddling. The warmth of her body next to his felt comforting unlike the man that had previously forced himself upon Raph.<em>

_They sat huddled together on the bed, their backs pressed against the wall, in comfortable silence. He could sit like this forever. With Angel, he felt safe; it was as though she was his home away from home._

_"Raphael," Angel whispered, drawing him away from his thoughts. "Don't let them break you."  
>"What does that mean," he whimpered, glancing up at her.<em>

_"It means, that no matter what they do to you, do not give up hope that you will one day be free, and do not let them think that you are theirs as long as you live. Let your spirit burn brightly and do not let the spark die." She smiled slightly and ran a hand through his hair._  
><em>"Did you let them break you," he asked gingerly.<em>

_"I'm afraid so," she whispered. She brushed her long, dark hair from her eyes. "And it has ruined me. I don't want the same for you." Raph stared at her and could see silent tears crawling down her face. Angel cried a lot, but she seemed to handle the "customers" well enough when they did whatever they wanted to her. She was strong, but even though Raph hadn't been in this place more than a month, he could see that she was fading. She was fighting a battle that she was destined to lose; their captors had made sure of that. He was young and he knew he had a bright spirit, as his father had told him once before. Angel was there for him, so he should be there for her._  
><em>"I'll be strong," he said, "For both of us."<em>

* * *

><p>Raph was still upset about what had happened earlier. He hadn't meant to yell at Donnie but he hadn't meant to give away all that information like he had. It wasn't something his brother needed to hear, but Raph felt lighter, like he had had a weight lifted off his chest. As Vern had told him before, talking about painful stuff to someone else was the best sort of relief; Raph was only just realizing that now. He would have to reconsider how much he kept private and how much he chose to share with his family, but yet, he didn't want to burden them with his personal life.<p>

He spent the rest of the morning holed up in the library, reading and doing work sheets but had ultimately fallen asleep due to his constant waking during the night before. The lunch bell roused him from his sleep and Raph closed all his books and shoved them into his bag before heading down to the cafeteria.  
>None of the food looked particularly appetizing to him, so Raph decided he would go without. He spotted Mikey and Donnie in the sea of students and headed over to their table. At the table there was a perky looking red head seated at the table, lost in conversation with Donnie, and across from her was a dark haired boy who was busy pushing around his food.<p>

"Hey, bro," Mikey exclaimed, sliding over to make room for him. "Haven't seen you all morning; I'd thought we share at least one class together." Raph felt eyes on him and glanced up to see Donnie eyeing him carefully. Raph nodded towards Don, a silent thank you for not blabbering about what happened in the hall to Mikey.  
>"So this is the famous Raphael that we've been hearing about all morning," the boy asked, pushing away his tray of food. "It's good to see that Mikey wasn't actually making you up."<p>

"Geez, Casey, why do you have to be so insensitive sometimes," the red head snapped. She turned to Raph and smiled brightly. "I'm April. It's really great to meet you, Raphael."  
>"Casey," the boy said nonchalantly. "Nice to meet you, I guess."<p>

* * *

><p>Raph had gym class immediately after lunch and he was glad that he had decided not to eat because the gym teacher, Mr. Gerhard, made them run a gazillion laps before forcing them all into a game of basketball.<br>Raph had Casey for company, who he thought was rather humorous once you looked past the arrogant outer layer. Casey sort of reminded Raph of himself, and he hoped that he could find a friend in him; he hadn't really ever had any before, at least, none that were male.

He's always found it easier to be friends with girls; all the girls he knew seemed to think that he was a really great listener. He was, and maybe it was because he had spent seven years by Angel's side, but he could sympathize with girls more so then he could with guys.

At the end of class, everyone herded themselves into the locker rooms, where most of the boys headed towards the at the foster home, Raph had been self-conscious of being naked in front of other boys. It wasn't because of genitalia size or anything like that; he just didn't like people seeing his scars; people always asked where he had acquired them. He never answered and the other boys in the foster home seemed to have gotten the message that it was deeply personal; only foster kids could understand something so deeply scarring; something awful had probably happened to a lot of them.

Now, Raph felt the self-consciousness return as he walked through the locker room. The majority of boys had stripped down and had grabbed a towel, heading towards the showers. Reluctantly, Raph shirked off his shirt. He paused before sliding off his shoes, pants and underwear. He grabbed a towel and shoved his clothes into a locker and headed down to the showers.

The shower room was clouded with steam. Someone had perched a radio on one of the half walls and it was blaring some classic rock song. The voices of some of the boys echoed off the walls as they carried on a conversation while they showered.  
>Grabbing the nearest available stall, Raph found himself standing next to Casey. They stood next to each other in silence, letting the water wash over them. From out of his peripheral vision, Raph could see Casey give him side glances.<p>

"What are you gawking at," he demanded, glaring harshly at Casey. He felt a spark of anger ignite within in him, preparing himself for any hassle that Casey might give him.  
>"Nothing," Casey muttered, "Just thought that those scars make you look kind of tough." Raph turned away, slightly confused. He had had people make comments on his scars before, but no one had ever mentioned that they made him look tough; that was the closest thing he had to a compliment in a long while. He smiled to himself, feeling proud of the scarred flesh on his body for the first time ever.<p>

* * *

><p><em>"Stop crying, you little bitch," the man growled. He drew back the whip and lashed out, striking Raph across his bare back. A stinging, heated pain radiated from the cut outwards, making him arch his back in pain. Raph could feel tears trailing down his cheeks and sweat lingering on his brow as his arms shook with fatigue. He didn't know how long the man had been at this, but Raphael could clearly see that this man was enjoying his pain and didn't intend to stop anytime soon.<em>

_He thought about what Angel had told him earlier; that he should not let himself be broken by these men. He remembered what she had said, that she was broken, and Raph understood that she didn't want him to hit rock bottom like she had._

_Wrapping his hands around the chains that bound him and gripped them firmly, bracing himself for the next lash. Raph pursed his lips and bit down on his tongue as the whip came down again, harder than before. He would not let them break him. He would be strong, for himself and for Angel. Hell would have to freeze over before he bowed down to the likes of these men._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, there is chapter six. Hope you all enjoyed. Let me know what you think; it is greatly appreciated. I will let you know now that there is going to be a Leo-Raph brotherly moment coming up as well as a Mikey-Raph brotherly moment and that Karai will probably be introduced soon. **

~dendragon14


End file.
